St. Teresa’s Academy teacher and students share adoption stories

These members of the STA community don’t act any differently from anyone else. By looking at them or talking with them, you might not even realize that they have a unique background. But these individuals have adopted or been adopted anywhere from here in Kansas City all the way to China. These are their stories.

Family chemistry

Anyone who has taken chemistry teacher Mary Rietbrock’s class may be familiar with her children whom she talks about from time to time. However, some may not be aware that nearly 17 years ago, Rietbrock started foster care, eventually caring for 10 kids total. Five of these children stayed with her anywhere from two weeks to eight months. The other kids, now her five children, were adopted.

“[I] wanted to help kids on a short term basis,” Rietbrock said. “Eventually they became part of the family and that’s not going to change.”

Rietbrock took Mike, now 20, into foster care at the age of 3. She also cared for Mike’s half brother, Chris, now 18, who was 20 months old at the time. Ali, currently 11 years old, arrived at the Rietbrock’s home at just two weeks old. Miklo, 7, and J.J., 6, who are full brothers, joined Rietbrock’s family on the same day at 15 months old and two days old, respectively. Rietbrock’s kids each went through about four years of foster care before she adopted.

“[Adopting after foster care seems] easier because [the kids] have been with you since they were babies anyways,” Rietbrock said. “It seemed like a natural progression with the little ones.”

Rietbrock took classes to become licensed in order to foster care. She eventually met with a case worker and adoption specialist from the Division of Family Services in Missouri to be eligible to adopt.

Now with five adopted kids, and a span of about 14 years between the oldest and youngest, Rietbrock says that their house is fairly busy.

“During the school year it’s craziness,” Rietbrock said. “Everyone goes every which way, but we always try to sit down to dinner together and go to church together on Sundays.”

Rietbrock no longer does foster care. All of her children know they are adopted and as they grow older, Rietbrock has told them that when they turn 18 she would help them find their parents if they wanted to.

“Chris has made contact with his dad,” Rietbrock said. “[I] don’t know how to get ahold of the other kids’ [biological parents], but [I'll] help them as best [I] can.”

Other than the obvious difference that she is not their biological mother, Rietbrock feels raising her adopted children is similar to what any parent would go through.

“For me [raising adopted children] isn’t any different than raising [biological] kids because the adoption stuff never was an issue,” Rietbrock said.

Rietbrock’s children do not seem to notice a difference either. Rietbrock asked Ali how she felt about being adopted, and she didn’t seem to detect a difference between being adopted and raised by a biological parent.

“I don’t know anything else,” Ali said. “But what difference does it make as long as you are loved?’

Sister, sister

Twin sisters Maddy and Molly Fox are adopted.

Seniors Molly and Maddy Fox are used to being bombarded with questions once someone finds out they are adopted twins. In grade school, the girls would get questions like, “How was the orphanage?” and “Were both you and Maddy adopted?” which much to Molly’s surprise, people will actually ask.

“Kids used to ask, ‘Where’s your real mom?’” said Maddy. “[Molly and I] would always say, ‘My real mom is Lynn Fox.’”

Lynn and John Fox, Molly and Maddy’s parents, decided to adopt after Lynn couldn’t get pregnant, according to Maddy. At first the couple wanted a boy, but the prospective baby’s grandparents wanted to say involved, while his birth mother did not. Lynn and John thought that might be a little awkward, Maddy said, and the couple preferred a closed adoption in which the child doesn’t have constant contact with his or her biological parents.

The couple continued to look into adoption. Maddy and Molly’s biological mother, about 20 years old, was very particular about the adoptive parents, according to Maddy.

“[Our parents] had to be at least Christian and maybe even Catholic,” Maddy said. “There had to be a stay at home mom. They checked our house and went through this whole interview process.”

Despite this, Lynn and John were told that adopting Molly and Maddy probably would not work out. They asked if it would be alright if they took a trip to Disney World, and were assured that would be fine.

But, on June 12, 1992, Molly and Maddy were born, and John and Lynn had gotten the adoption.

“[Lynn and John] knew about us kind of last minute,” Maddy said. “They had to fly home and they didn’t even have a crib or anything ready. Molly and I slept in one dresser drawer our first night [at home].”

Both girls say that being adopted doesn’t make life terribly different.

The twins have never met their biological mother or attempted to contact her. The question of whether they want to meet their birth parents is tricky, according to Molly.

“I’m pretty sure Maddy doesn’t [want to meet our biological parents],” Molly said. “I used to be excited, but I don’t know how I feel about it anymore. I used to ask about it a lot [in grade school] and my mom said if I wanted to find [my birth mom] when I was 16 then we could try, but I never really asked. I guess it was just a curious phase…I’m not sure if it’s something I’d like to do [now].”

Despite this question, both girls say that being adopted doesn’t make them feel any different. The fact that the girls are adopted and now have two step-sisters, Sarah and Jessie, and one-step brother, Sam, has not made them feel separated from the family.

“Our step-sisters are our sisters,” Maddy said. “Even though we’re not a traditional family and we’re like a broken family, it’s never been like that.”

Meet the Millers

Freshman Keara Miller doesn’t come from the typical family. While both Keara and her older brother are adopted, her older and younger sisters are the biological daughters of Mr. and Mrs. Sean and Karen Miller.

“We were married for eight years and didn’t think we could get pregnant,” Sean said. “We tried infertility treatments, but some were controversial with the Catholic Church, so we said, ‘Nope, [we're] not going to do that’ [and decided to adopt].”

The Millers first adopted their son Ryan, now 20 years old. About a year later, Karen became pregnant. A few years following senior Shaughnessy Miller’s birth, the Millers applied to adopt again. After about 13 months of waiting, Keara joined the family. Finally, Karen became pregnant again and the youngest Miller, Siobhan, was born 12 years ago.

“Adoption is how we started our family,” Sean said. “We think adoption is amazing.”

According to Sean and Shaughnessy, having adopted members in the family has not been all that different from having only biological kids.

“Most people don’t even know that I have adopted brothers and sisters, but sometimes our personalities are different,” Shaughnessy said. “But that’s like any family.”

But unlike most typical families, there are other parents involved with the family. Keara has not personally met her biological parents, but every year her mom writes a letter to her birth mom with a picture of Keara. Keara says that once she turns 18, she can request to see her biological parents.

“I’d like to meet her,” Keara said. “It’s probably something I’d do when I’m older.”

Even though Keara has a different birth mother than her siblings, she is still Sean and Karen’s child and just as much a part of the family as they are. Sean makes a distinction that many people may overlook.

“You have to be careful not to say ‘adopted kids’ and ‘your own kids,’” Sean said. “It’s ‘adopted kids’ and ‘biological kids.’ They are all our own kids.”

With love from China

Sophomore Mari Kerwin isn’t exactly sure how to spell her birthplace. She doesn’t know her biological parents, nor does she intend to in the near future. She has only visited her birth country once, in 2007.

Kerwin was born in a province in China in 1994 and adopted the following year.

“If people are looking into adoption, they should consider it,” Kerwin said. “It’s definitely a positive experience.”

Kerwin’s mother, Ms. Michele Kerwin, agrees. She traveled to China and adopted Mari at 10 months old.

“I was 40 years old,” Michele said via e-mail. “I still had not found the perfect guy to marry, but I wanted a family. I have always said that there are so many little loves out there just looking for loving arms to fall into.”

Originally Michele considered domestic adoption, but her age, single status and race made the process more difficult. However, China had recently allowed adoptions and Michele looked into it.

“There was a female Anglican priest here in the city who had gone that first year to China and I was enthralled with her story,” Michele said. “The Chinese government also liked the idea of older people and allowed single women to adopt their children so they were very open to me petitioning for adoption.”

Beginning the process Oct. 25, 1994 and after working through an adoption agency in St. Louis, Michele, at age 45, welcomed Mari to her home April 3, 1995.

In describing adoption, Michele likes to refer to an old Thai proverb that says: “Children who are not put with the right spirits through birth will be put with the right spirits through adoption.”

It seems that Mari and Michele are very compatible, according to Mari, who says that she and her mom have a good relationship and don’t argue. Others also notice their strong relationship.

“[Mari and her mom] talk and act the same,” said sophomore Abby Uche, a friend of Mari. “I would have just thought [Mari] had a Chinese dad if I didn’t know [she was] adopted.”

Michele has always raised Mari as a single parent.

“When Mari was little I used to tell her that she didn’t have a human dad, but that God was her Dad,” Michele said. “Also I would whisper when we were in church that God was up on the altar. All of that worked very well, however, one day she walked up to our pastor and said ‘Are you my dad?’ [The pastor] darn near choked and immediately denied any attachment.”

This is one of several funny, brief memories Michele has of her daughter. Even though she is not Mari’s birth mom, Michele has still been able to experience the fulfillment of motherhood.

“A child is a child,” Michele said. “No, she did not grow inside me. I never felt the first kick, but she grew in my heart from the first moment I saw her little picture in the middle of the letter size paper to when her auntie laid her in my arms. Wow, she was mine.”